When your dog is âbehaving badlyâ, itâs so easy to let yourself get frustrated about it. Nobody wants to see their dogs get upset in any way. We want them to be happy and not show any signs of stress, anxiety, or fear.
When our dogs are reactive or distracted, many of us immediately jump on the âIâve got to fix my dogâ bandwagon. We feel like we have to train the behavior out of them somehow. We become so focused on this idea of fixing our dogs that we forget that their behavior is how they communicate their feelings.
If your dog is barking at the neighborâs dog through the fence, your dog probably feels uncomfortable. When a friend comes to visit and your dog tucks his tail between his legs and barks nervously, your dog probably feels anxious about the situation.
You might not be the biggest fan of this type of behavior, but your dog is entitled to their feelings. Feelings matter. Your dogâs behavior is how they express their feelings and our dogs need to feel heard.
If your dogâs behavior is making you feel frustrated and confused, this is how you can turn things around and transform your frustration into fascination!
Understanding your dog’s feelings
You donât have to like how your dog expresses their feelings. But you do have to understand them. By understanding your dogâs feelings, youâre inviting a connection between you and your dog. From there, youâre in a better place to support your dog and make better decisions.
âBy showing that you understand your dog’s feelings, you’re inviting connection.â
In the moment, it can feel like all hell is breaking loose and itâs hard. Itâs hard to accept your dogâs feelings because their actions are so loud. Maybe your dog barks hysterically at other dogs, or theyâre afraid of strangers. Itâs difficult when youâre in that moment to remind yourself that this is how your dog is expressing their feelings. Itâs hard and itâs uncomfortable but know that you WILL get through it.
Once you begin to understand your dogâs feelings and allow them to have those feelings, you can make so much more progress towards helping them to feel safe, calm, and happy.
We all just want to feel heard and that includes your dog too. We must honor our dogâs feelings and remember that they are just as important and valid as our own. What follows is a deeper relationship with our dogs. One where our dog doesnât do things for us expecting something in return but rather a deep connection and understanding based on trust and love for each other.
The value of deep listening
Thich Nhat Hanh is a Vietnamese Thiá»n Buddhist monk and peace activist. The other day, I was listening to a Super Soul interview with Oprah, where she spoke to Thich Nhat Hanh and he talked about the value of deep listening.
What he said about deep listening really resonated with me and I started to think about how we can transfer his teachings about deep listening to our dogs. Hereâs a quote from the interview:
âDeep listening is the kind of listening that can help relieve the suffering of another person. You can call it compassionate listening. You listen with only one purpose – to help him or her empty their heart. Even if he says things that are full of wrong perceptions, full of bitterness, you are still capable of continuing to listen with compassionâŠâ
âBecause you know that listening like that, you give that person a chance to suffer less. If you want to help him correct his perception, you wait for another time. For now, you don’t argue or try to change his mind. You just listen with compassion and you help him to suffer less. That can bring transformation and healing.â
Learning to listen to our dogs is a skill that can be developed with practice. When it comes to deep listening, we must set aside our anger, our frustration, our expectations and just listen. Listening so that they can empty their hearts and they feel heard. This, I believe, is a gift we can give to ourselves, our dogs, and other people in our lives too.
Let’s practice deep listening together!
Iâll be honest with you. I havenât been deep listening as much as I probably should. My thoughts have been side-tracked. Iâve been distracted and stressed about current events.
But I know how powerful deep listening can be. So, hereâs my proposal:
Will you join me and practice deep listening in your own life? Letâs commit to it together and we can support each other through all of this chaos.
âJust know that you will get through itâ
In case I havenât been clear, deep listening does not mean you have to give in to your dogâs demands every time. It means that you are present, and you are listening to their feelings to help ease their suffering. Youâre letting your dog know that you hear them and that is an opportunity to deepen your bond and trust that you have for one another.
Turning frustration into fascination
If you have a sensitive, high-spirited, or hyper dog, you know exactly how rewarding it feels when they go full doggy on you. They give you so much love, they want to play until the sun goes down, and their enthusiasm just lights you up inside.
On the other side, this type of dog might not listen to you. Theyâre wrapped up in their own little world and when they have a meltdown in the middle of your walk, he pretends he doesnât hear your commands or pleas.
This is when feelings of frustration kick in. You feel like no matter what you do, your dog just doesnât listen. The bad behavior continues, and you may act in anger, frustration, and even desperation. Weâve all been there and when we look back at how we reacted, we often realize that we couldâve handled the situation better.
Your dog doesnât act badly on purpose, so try not to take it personally. Think about what the root cause of this behavior could be. What is your dog trying to say when they behave this way? Observe, listen, and learn.
Shift the frustration to a curious mindset. Remember that your hyper, fearful, or reactive dog is not trying to give you a hard time. Theyâre just reacting in the only way they know how, and they just need you to listen.
If you’d like to work with me and learn how to create a partnership lifestyle for you and your dog, you can request an invitation to join us in the Brilliant Partners Academy when the doors open for the next enrolment!
You can listen to everything I talked about in this blog post over on my podcast â Enlightened By Dogs. Itâs episode 100, which you can listen to here.
Watch a short video trailer of the episode below: